Tuesday, August 25, 2009
So, I was going to write about how I got a freaking job, but I'll leave that till later. Right now I'm going to write about the crazy that is my head. (and seriously, could I start more posts with "so"?)
If you know me, you know that I'm crazy. Not certifiable, but bad enough. One of those crazy aspects is how...not contrary, but I can't think of the right word right now, I can be. But I like things that are opposite of each other. I like black, but I also like very colorful things, for example. I'm a homebody, but I love to travel. I want to stay in one place for more than a year, but I'm always looking for a job somewhere else.
The thing that got me posting this was looking at this picture on Dooce's website. When I was in Oregon last summer, I couldn't wait to get home to flat land. And the instant I got home, I wanted the mountains back more than anything. I wanted to go back to Arizona and see the red rocks, the high desert, the beautiful mountains of Colorado, the dry heat and wonderful scrub of Santa Fe. God I miss it! And the whole time I was in Oregon, I was yearning for green. I wanted green grass and rain and leafy trees and green grass! Everything was dead and tan/brown. But when we got through California and into Arizona a little way, I started to fall in love. It was beautiful! I loved driving down a mountain pass into a valley and seeing it all stretched out before me. What I wouldn't have given to have been able to pull over and wander off to take rolls and roll of photos. Black and white that I could develop in the darkroom I don't have. I wanted to set up the perfect shot, swim in that pool we found (but was too cold to go in).
I wanted to stay in Sedona and Santa Fe for days, weeks. I want to move there and drink in the dry heat, bake in the sauna of the desert. Explore and live and run away from giant bugs and complain about the heat and work and play. I want to go back so bad! I want to see the rest of the desert, take pictures of rocky outcroppings miles past where Jesus lost his sandals.
But at the same time I want to go here and here and see trees covered in moss, and streams running through forests. I want to go back to England and explore the grassy hillsides, commune with the sheep. I want to go to huge cities in the hustle and bustle, or in calmer neighborhoods of those same busy cities. I want to go to Europe and find tiny bookstores tucked in side alleys in the Italian countryside. And in any of these places, I could probably live happily...at least for a while. At lease until my feet start calling again, wanting to wader away into that good night.
But God do I miss the high desert and the mountains. I want to spend time in Colorado some day. I want to move to Phoenix with my friend, see what a sprawling city is like, instead of one that goes straight up. But the contrary part of me is, I look at pictures of the red rock mountains of Utah and Arizona and I gasp and the beauty and the longing, but I have the same result when I look at pictures of all the green in the English countryside. I don't know id I'll ever be completely content to settle in one place, if my wanderlust will ever be sated. I guess only time will tell. If would probably help if I actually wandered a little too!